我對著晚餐發呆

痛 化不開 。。。
但，应该接受痛，却不能再让它围绕。

（1) 感到悲伤和空虚。
(2) 感觉没有价值，有罪恶感。
（3) 失眠。

为何不会好转。。。肩上觉得很沉重

OO on 23 08 2008

I realised it was 23 AUGUST and not 22 08 2008.. LOL
Here are some BRIGHT pics, courtesy of Christ of cos..
N i kept calling him.. CAM WHORE... and CAM WHORE he is....
(if u view his blog, that is)..


I tink it was Jeremy who held the cam..... ......
C, E, C, A... (CECA)




Kong Fu master, Lobster and Cam Whore... ( better find a better nic for him... )




You can totally see Alex's BREAST Right! Huge lor... Work out king lor..




What and what..??!! (I was telling Christ the pics turn out quite nice, then ..
C: "I edited la... cannot see pimples and mole rite.."
E :" Really!!" now I missed my mole... my crying mole...




Apparently someone start to high already.. .. NOt looking at cam..
I tink Cindy was standing there.. LOL.....

Drink Again..20 08 08 and 22 08 08

20 08 2008
Went 'The White Bar' in boat quay, which is like Raffles place MRT exit UOB towers... and its know as Circular Road by me... LOL
The peeps include: Bominic, Calvin, Gavin and Gavin's Friend in ABN...

Its beer again>.... sianz..... but I played pool and won Calvin on the first try!

Yeah!!!! First time ever! Then suddenly Bom got emo when Gavin left for home at 10pm.. and he (Gav) still owe me a song by Nic Tse lor.... The guys sang and drank, sang and then drank... Before we knew it, its like 5 jugs that they ordered... and Cal did some card tricks... LOL... then kena teased cos he used this tricks to trick 小妹妹。。。

22 08 2008

Went OO, supposed to meet Ah beng and Jeff (they're real bro) and some other friends of theirs for a b'day celebration. (ya, i am extra)..

Reached cityhall at 10.50pm, Cal smsed that he wanted to meet up for awhile and he was angry.. apparent like always.. met him outside Swissotel after changing into my BOOTs! (yea*) and he sorta like emo! He even "cup" my phone when i called him to ask exactly where to meet him... **Angry la.. cup my phone for wat.**

Cal : "all the while, you asked me why i am so emo abt, today i will tell ya." (paused and like hesitated with tongue btw lips, a sign of deep thinking and comtemplating*)

:"Cos I have told you that I like you, but I don't know how to get close to you, because I know I am not your type. And if there are other guys who are more accomplished and who wants to know close to you, I have no right to stop tht..."

Liar.....

Eventually, we just popped into OO at 11.30pm, and he like, ordered 10 TEQUILA SHOTS all for himself...

After downing like 9 shots, using straw, he was like happy again and started talking to gers ard the bar... (is this a common act of guys?) ... and the gers had wif them some guys, and I got to know the guys.

(1) Christ and his cousin (2) Cindy, (3) Alex (4) Jeremy ...

Giant Chris (190cm, not the (1) Christ), like ordered Lambo.. but somehow the fire extinguished before they could drink it! So there he was trying very hard to light it again using Cal's lighter....

Finally it got lit up and they drank in a gulp (with straw)...

Evo had like *whiskey dry (yet again) in a JUG.. and 1 *Sex on the beach* shot, and 1... dono what shot, the courtesy of (1) Christ. And 1 Jager-bomb... Dono what also... the courtesy of Cal. . .

Suppose to be at RNB Obar dancing, but Cal wanna leave, so at 2am, Jeff and Evo saw him off the road. BUT... he called at like 5 mins later.. to say he was drunk... so I went out again.. Jeff stayed for awhile n went back in...

Cal was sitting there till like 3.30am lor!

In end i knew the story ... Super LAME... UOB Vivien told me that they were out that noon till evening for some fire-works..

Then Cal got angry over her guy friend who insisted on picking her home... and he just walked away (which was the time he smsed me that he was angry over something... ) No wonder.. suddenly smsed that he wanted to go drinking. And that they just knew each other like 2nd day and he was acting like she's his gf...

*Same as what he did to Evo!*

Apparently, he called and smsed a few ppl (Sara, Phobe, Vivian, Kelly) to tell them that he was drunk and see who cared... and me la.. cos i was at OO.. too.... at first i was fine not dancing with my friends in there.. but now that i knew the kind of person he is.. very pissed la.. like a total waste of my time lor!

At 3.30am, amazingly, (when Alex and Jeremy came out), Cal could wake up and walked ard and even check his smses! (while at like 2.45, jeff and Evo couldn't even wake him)...

So in end, he said: "If i tell you the truth, will u promise not to get angry with me?".

So lame right....Suddenly so sober and can say so many things...

... He was out with Vivien, and he dono why, he had a good time wif her (*yet again, another verse he told Evo too*), and that he realised that he has no right in Evo's life and that he was much a hindrance , and that he felt that its lying that there might be a future for them.. he claimed to be angry with himself and that Evo was the last person on earth that he ever wanna hurt.

And then continue to claim that there is nothing between Vivien and him..

For your record, Andy has told Evo everything, and its not him who intro, it was Cal who finds her pretty and asked Andy to intro them.

Anyway... its like what i said previously.. There's the protective shield, there's the promiscuious lamer. And Yes, I will not contact you ever again.

That night, I had a weird dream, I called PW, he answered but refused to utter any words, knowing its me who called.. I was totally upset ... must have something to do with me reading all old blog entries... LOL

STUPID EVO....................

OVERDOSE.. 080808, 130808, 150808

I went OT this week on drinking. ARGH...............

080808,

Evo met up with Abel after dinner and Winson happened to be at MOS. Don and gang were done drinking at clarke quay and wandered to MOS as well.. but end up only Evo and Abel inside cos Winson (aka 色鬼）went puking .. and Don went another pub with his friends for 2nd rd of drinking. Had like a beer, a whisky dry, 2 jug whisky dry to share... and played games with ... Clement, Ivan and this fair korean looking guy.... and broke his glasses by accident! LOL ...
Left at 4am! ate NIssin Chilly crab while Abel held the cup all the while! SO SWEET! lol... my servant



130808

Evo went Balaclava with Mel Mel and his gang. And he ordered this .... .... german beer... very nice!! 2 pints each lor! Cos its 1-4-1 throughout the night~




Mel Mel




Michelle and this dutch ang mo, which i cannot get his name at all.




Evo! Had almost 3 pints of this german beer...




Frank and.... this Malaysian, dragon yr guy, (yet another one who spoke of his name and i cannot rem.. )




Cheeky Mel and Evo.... under bad cam lighting




Random shots... ~cannot see rite?! (-_-)




Evo posing with the germany beer! LOL




Very lucky to get this pic of Dutch, as he demonstrated cup AA, Cup A, Cup B and Cup C. (and then he pointed to Michelle who is a D)
Michelle: "DOUBLE D, to be precise!"
And Dutch called me a prune because I shunned when the guys tried to kissed me on the cheeks.... DUH.... (-_-''')




~Evo and Mel Mel





Finally! you can see them in light!
(Dianna, Frank and another flowery tie guy went off earlier)
~Mel, Michelle, Dutch







There, the m'sian dragon guy in the light!
Evo not ard.. cos she's the one taking pics ma...


The guys debated who to send who home, who lives near who and stuff... then mel said: "Faster la, cab uncle falling asleep! Evo, come, u share my cab... "
So off they off, 1 by 1 (or 2 by 2) in cabs at 11.15pm.

150808

Evo went to PFS quarterly gathering at alexander (very near Vivo)...

Then was "made" to go cityhall mrt to meet Cal. Cos he wanna hang ard there. Keith came later on and we all went to boat quay... some... weird ahlian pub which they frequent, while all the time, ah beng's at dragonfly, Mel's at clarke Quay and Don's at ZOUK!!! What was Evo doing there! sigh...

After a round of beer at ... no recollection of that pub, we went to another pub (i had whisky dry! hehehehehe, my new fav) and Evo pool-watched Cal and Keith till Cal's friend (seems like his scandal.. LOL) came...

Suppose to go OO, then when she said : "Go st James! ", Cal immediately agreed! ARGH... . Evo was there earlier lor! (-_-''')

Once at St James, all queued for Movida and Evo met Ah beng in there. AND Spooted Lawrence! LOL... Evo drank n drank and got high very fast! cos she had volka and orange and cranberry and other mixes..... and din get to dance enough...
Cal's friend was all paws over him.. and of cos la.. should have recipol... NVM...

Night ended with Evo toasting to the ppl on the same table and taking some random pic with Jimmy, who was trying to stop his friend from drinking..

~Jimmy, 1986 (forget ask name), Evo




Evo shared cab back home with Cal, cos they stayed oppo each other only.
Cal started crying and Evo was so super shocked, kept wiping his tears away... then they sort of argued over nothing at her void deck.. when he said something and evo replied : "I don think so lor..." and Cal just walked away leaving her there!

And they sort of argue over sms a little, no conclusion and more confusion...
The next day, it seems, they just pretended nothing happened... Totally weird..
However, some things seems more apparent now that...

Cal was so hang up with.. his past r/s..
And some how... he was angry that i get to know some guys at St James... DUH

It has to do with maturity of mind, having determined goals and being clear about what one wants to achieve and the committment.

Apparently all were missing and both Cal n Evo were similar in such ways that they are waiting for someone who will love them more then they have to give. Both wanted their partners to care and show it more .... so its contradicting...

But its becoming apparent now too...

1 Aug 2008

My last day in UOB Main...
1 August 2008

Dinner with Uncle Chee Kien, *Hot Mama and *Lilo
at Changing Appetitez at Marina Square....

Me pigging out with fish and some fries and some funny wrap....

Dono why so blur lor! Hot mama laughing while she was snapping me

Lilo and Hot mama........ and a spread of food.....



(Evo and Lilo) . . .

ROUND FACE LA!!!!!!!!!! horrorz

Evo went OO with a few friends ... alcohol and senses don mix well right?! LOL....

~Alan and moi

~Wendy and moi

*********************************************************

Panda and Evo were dancing after CK and Wen left... then Cal began very moody and started smsing Evo things.... Cal said he likes Evo, but knew he's not her type. And then when all 3 went home in Panda's car, everyone's emo...

And after dropping Cal, Panda also confessed that he likes Evo... to which Evo replied: "why", "how come you nvr ask me out and its always me who ask u out?"

Panda: "ok i will ask you out next week, hope you can give me a chance to take care of u and that you will be my gf. I am serious abt wat i said"

BUT a week has passed and Panda did not even sms Evo... except for the same night which he smsed: "i am a bit jealous when you are talking to your friend (CAL) just now."

Aparrently....

Cal (holding jack daniels) came to Evo's hse at 4am, just to talk ... Rubbish, then tried to stop Evo from clubbing on wed, citing that: "even if we are not a couple yet, the fact is i still care for u." But Evo felt that apart from the obvious difference, Cal is a deep person and a little too promiscious for her liking....

Finally Evo cried while chatting with Abel. Surprisingly, *Ape is good at comforting ppl, talking crap and sense at the same time... really good nice chap.

Next update... MOS....................... no pic thou.. wasted..

小宇的歌。。好感动。。

一直亨他的这首歌。。 终于说出口

感到前段很有意思。。。

你终于说出口 其实你早就已经不爱我
为什么要低着头 你知道这玩笑骗不到我
可是这不是玩笑 是要逃避你离开我的理由
我还能做什么 你已经不爱我
我一直都爱着你 难道这还不够
我还要做什么 你才不离开我
我知道已无心再继续看着我


过了。。。
Abel 说：“都过了。只要你现在开始，能开心，就够了。“

不知为何emo了。。星期五，不想哭，哭了。昨晚想哭， 不会。
但也还是哭了。。
不能视环的好多。不只是你。。。
无人关心，疼，孤独，无奈。。已经无力再装开心。。
只有Abel 看得出我在装，看得出有包袱，看得出不开心。
突然觉得。。没有朋友。没有爱。没有目标。

没有力再装开心。