Matured Me

I am accepting my bf's attitude (I don't what other words fit, but..) graciously .. I mean, what happened today is common that I might blow my top as usual. But then, i just graciously accepted his choices and let him have fun. I used to blow my top with the almost infamous note:
"So you MUST fulfill your promise 2 ur friends, but its ok to break your promiseS to me."

I duno what have come over me, but I definitely felt strange yester-night. I had an adrenalin rushed, felt lonely but peaceful, yet at the same time feeling romantic.. Yah.. you said it.. "what a mixed up girl." I used to be jealous that he is out having fun and I am stucked at home alone and lonely. Then now I felt, its really no use getting bitter because I am STILL stuck at home! Boy, letting go of these negative vibes/insecurities are not easy.

So either I am (a) becoming less hopeful about where this relationship is heading, that's why I couldn't be bothered, or (b) letting go of some insecurities and maturing.
I Hope its the latter. . .