I need a break.

Although its has only passed 3 months since I went on an overseas trip, I felt I need another break real quick.
Works being piling on and on with reshuffling of work responsibilties. Fire-fighting is common. I need a break to re-charge and re-energise.

Been doing some thinking. I just want to enjoy my relationship. But I cannot forget the past lies and hurt. So much so that like my blog name, I am getting more and more Paranoid (pardon the pun). I cannot for once trust anyone for the time-being.

To : IO

"Yesterday, you cancel our date for a last minute dinner date . I kept telling myself that you are not gonna just run off with some scandal. I had myself 1/2 convinced that everything's gonna be just fine and 1/2 wondering when you mentioned you will call but didn't because some other girls are ard you? I knew I am in trouble when you said you had a headache etc etc.. and had to delay calls etc etc. I am worried abt your headache (as usual), but I thought as well. :"Headache? Will you then need to sleep and then go call some other girls like the last time?"

"I've been trying to tell you that because of the 4 incidents, I cannot trust you completely now and It is hurting me now. it will also hurt our relationship in the long run. I cannot feel a good future with you, Fearing that for all the years to come, I will spending every waking moment away from you imagining that you will be unfaithful."

I have forgiven you previous times because you claimed that you will NOT lie again. For 4 times.

I have forgiven you previous times because you have promised to make it up to me and claiming that time will tell your sincereity. But none. I been trying very hard, but I just cannot forget about all these. It will haunt me for as long as we are together. But each time i tried to tell you, you merely assumed that I am throwing my tantrum or just being 'tao-qi".

I have accepted that fact that you cannot spend more time with me because of your work commitment and the fact that you wanted to sleep in till 3pm every weekend. What I cannot accept is your lies and empty promises. Yes. I need the courage to leave you. I sometimes just wish that you will let me see you and your scandal and that I can leave you forever. About your so-called changes;

It donned on me that no one's gonna change their character for anyone else. The only changes in relationships are - Maturity, Trust or distrust for that matter, Feelings

Now I just hope my feelings for you can fade away slowly.